I am not a marriage counselor, but some of the authors of the books below are. If you read them with an open heart and mind they can help anyone that wants to improve and prepare their relationships.
His Needs Her Needs: Building an affair-proof marriage - Teaches us about our love banks and how our actions either deposit or withdraw from our partner's love bank. It teaches us what the most common top 5 needs of men and women, and how we meet can make regular deposits in the areas our partner needs the most.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts - Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return.
His Needs Her Needs is a very powerful marriage book written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. to help couples identify each other's most common needs, and to encourage them to invest in developing their marriage by committing to fulfilling one another needs daily.
Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, “love units” are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions encourage us to be with people who seem to treat us well and avoid those who seem to hurt us.
Savannah Ellis does a really good job explaining the general love bank idea on her website here. But in His Needs Her Needs, we take a very close look at the love bank deposits and withdraws in a marriage.
In a marriage, we make deposits and withdraws into our partners love bank on a daily basis. The size will depend on the gesture of love, or the magnitude of thoughtlessness at any given time. Different things are going to be bigger deposits for some, depending on your love language. Knowing what yours and your partners are is very important.
That's where His Needs Her Needs comes to the rescue. The author, over many years of marriage counseling, has identified 10 of the biggest needs we have. While there are 5 that tend to be more female needs and 5 for the male needs, they aren't always the same for every person. You may also agree with "your five" but want to reorder them, which is also fine.
After you've read about your love bank, your greatest needs and how to meet them, another great book to check out is Love Busters, by the same author as His Needs Her Needs.
Instincts and habits can make love bank deposits, so it is imperative to know how to create those habits because once they are learned, deposits are made repeatedly and almost effortlessly.
Unfortunately, many of our instincts and habits, such as angry outbursts, contribute to Love Bank withdrawals. Since they are repeated so often, they play a very important role in the annihilation of Love Bank accounts. If we are to stop Love Bank withdrawals, we must somehow stop destructive instincts and habits in their tracks.
The 5 Love Languages
Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts “just because,” to linger in our embrace. The things that say “I love you” seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying it—and hearing it—clearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouse’s language.
Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book practical as it is personable. You’ll be inspired by real-life stories and encouraged by its commonsense approach. reading this book feels like taking a walk with a wise friend. Applying it will forever change your relationship—starting today.
Go to their website 5lovelanguages.com to learn more and find a wealth of information related to the book and learn your love language.